Greater Argonaut

Meet the argonaut octopus; the only creature that could lose its tallywhacker down the back of the sofa! Of course we’ll get to this chap’s chap, in the meantime there are other chaps to talk about.

... I say! I'm sure I put it down here somewhere...

The Argonauts of yore were the folk who helped Jason pick out a nice carpet, apparently sparkly was de rigeur and so they just had to go and get a golden fleece. The Argonauts sailed the good ship Argo all over the shop on a variety of errands before picking up their rug. Incidentally fleeces were used up until recently to catch the gold dust being washed down stream, and so there really were golden fleeces.

... where the blazes are we going to find dragon's teeth at this time on a Sunday?..

Though the octopoid argonauts are more remarkable than Jason and his merry band of decorators, and thankfully couldn’t give a monkeys about haberdashery. These argonauts are a type of octopus that bobs around near the surface of the ocean, the only type of pelagic octopus in fact. For that reason they are rather unusual in a number of ways, not least because they have a shell, octopuses in general preferring to remain squidgy. It may have been that way back in the murky depths of time the argonaut would pick up ammonite shells to live in, and slowly over the millennia they learned how to patch up broken ones until they learned how to make their own. Though it is only the female that possesses these homespun shells, the males look a bit more like your traditional octopuses – though they are much smaller than the female and are said to be quite jealous of her paper-like case. Of course it’s not the only the only thing he’s missing…

Which is a rather nice junction to begin talking about his old chap of course… but you know we like to save the best until last down here at The Proceedings. Instead let’s rattle on about what they used to think this chap was up to back in the olden days. The Argonauts have a rather unusual arm, with a big disc thing at the end for secreting the papery shell with. The odd octopoids living-in-a-little-papery-boat-thingy led our erstwhile chums to make a bit of a leap of the imagination and they figured that they used them to sail around with.

... what the blazes?..

They don’t of course but they are rather happy to bag a free ride in another way, by using jellyfish. The argonauts can often be seen perched upon a jellyfish though he may or may not be using it for gadding about, shelter and camouflage there are certainly more sinister plans afoot… not least because the cad will chew a hole into the jellyfish, right down to its stoumach, he’ll then use the hole to slurp out whatever the jellyfish has had for supper.

... a very mobile member...

Aaaah yes of course our final flourish will be the tale of their tallywhacker. The argonaut it seems have a mobile penis, if it sees a filly it fancies across the other side of the bar, it doesn’t have to buy her drink after drink while regaling her of its victories in fuzzy wuzzy land, it simply fires its chap at her. The tentacle-like penis swims off on its own accord to try and catch up with that smashing filly. Remember that next time you’re frequenting the upper pelagic layer ladies…

Published in: on March 9, 2010 at 1:40 pm  Comments (1)  

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  1. [...] Greater Argonaut and his rather mobile member can be found over at Vol II! Huzzah! "what the blazes!" Published [...]


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