Helmeted Hornbill

Meet a rather smashing bird who has evolved into… well a bird that’s become really rather good at smashing into things… for all intents and purposes these chaps have evolved into a feathered hard hat…


The helmeted hornbill are found across the bits of south east Asia that are lucky enough to still have trees on them. Their call is said to resemble hoots, followed by maniacal laughter. Such ludicrous behaviour isn’t surprising when you take into consideration the amount of headfirst crashing he does. Thankfully that enormous bonce helps with the giddy spells, it sports a huge solid lump that may weigh up to 10% of the total body weight. You wouldn’t particularly want to be clonked into by the fellow either, at roughly the length of a short man… he’s much like one of those human cannonball chappies you see down at the fair… just a bit more feathery.


Of course it is crashing that gets these smashers into our second volume of Ever so Strange animals. Banging into each other in particular. It’s not buffoonery, they are doing it on purpose, having a bit of a ruck as it were. The hornbills fly through the forest, and if they spot one another WALLOP… full-welly head-first into one another. A flying head butt. The birds are trying to work out who is king of the jungle, which chap is the strongest… and therefore who gets to ravish all the really smashing maniacally-laughing, enormous-bonced young ladies in the neighbourhood. Indeed nothing quite gives a show of strength quite like a mid-air forty miles an hour headbutt… it really impresses the fillies, do try it some time.

Naturally anyone who has been out to some insalubrious drinking dens will know that knocking seven bells out of some other chap is normal behaviour for the oi polloi. Thankfully drunken pugilism is on the wane, the author is at least pleased as it is the leading cause of spilled beverages. Though there are other ways us baldy apes have taken to impressing the fairer sex. Darwin had it that we use beard length or indeed an impressive tumescence… more recent studies have shown that men will use a more grandiloquent vocabulary in front of the ladies. If there are any ladies who’ve happened across this book in the drawing room… it’s a pleasure to meet your acquaintance; please do try not to be too metagrobolized or indeed discombobulated by this opuscule.


Now where were we? Aaaah yes the helmeted hornbill smashing isn’t he? The world’s most magnificent crasher! Good to hear he thinks it’s all a bit of a laugh.

Published in: on May 20, 2010 at 10:43 am  Leave a Comment  

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